I dreamed about him last night. And since dreams are tricky things, I only vaguely remember the plot. I know he wanted me back (sorta) and that the girl who played his new girlfriend was actually a girl I went to high school that he doesn’t know in real life (she’s also happily hitched ;]). It was strange to say the least. I’m pretty sure I told him I wouldn’t take him back. There was lots of crying, lots of girls, and he stole my purse. At some point, Michael Flanigan even entered my dream. And apparently I was super late getting back from lunch which I can only assume is where all the drama happened. I woke up confused and dazed. I know this dream stemmed from my thoughts yesterday. But I woke unsure of my feelings. I debated it while brushing my teeth and getting dressed. “Do I really miss him? If I had the choice would I take him back? Was my life better with him?” And honestly, I think I know that while yes I miss the way our lives were, I wouldn’t take him back. I don’t play second fiddle (that may not be true in every situation, but it certainly is in this one). Was my life better? I don’t know. It was different. I was happy. Seriously, deliriously happy. It was a drama free relationship until it wasn’t anymore. But truthfully, I’m happy now. I love my life. I’ve always loved being a single woman. Maybe because I don’t equate being single with being alone. I think of it as freedom and the opportunity to do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want. I think part of makes me who I am is my need to be independent. Maybe one day I will entertain the idea of being a part of a committed couple again, but for now I’m just going to enjoy being me.
Queen of Crazy